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Author’s program note: over the course of my long professional career, I’ve made a great deal of money. Most of it derives from the principles clearly stated and explained in my “Money Making Marketing Course”.
This course contains everything you need to get ahead in whatever field you’re in, using proven marketing steps and guidelines. It is a matter of record that I became the first instructor in any field to broadcast to outer space through Telstar.
The program that was offered was “Money Making Marketing”, which, on its opening day so many years ago, had 40 colleges and universities linked together in a satellite program; the first ever offered.
N.B. I take this opportunity to thank the folks at Oklahoma State University for their foresight in bringing you this program. It remains a classic, suitable for anyone who understands that you must market to make millions, and how.
Now I can tell you that this course, which contains not just 4 hours of intergalactic video, but also a nearly 300 page book on the subject, will give you exactly what you require, so that you master marketing instead of allowing it to frustrate you, break the bank, and beat you down. When you master marketing, one simple thing happens that will change your life forever; you make money.
Now let’s get one thing straight… a little honesty at this point is essential. If I were there with you in person, I would insist upon you telling me in detail the vicissitudes of your marketing endeavors.
We both know that they have been pretty pathetic, aren’t they? You wake up in the morning knowing that you’re supposed to be marketing, but you don’t, because you don’t know what to do. Before you go to bed at night, you promise yourself that you’ll master marketing tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. In short, your marketing “machine” is pretty lame isn’t it?
It delivers just excuses, and not ten cents of real bite-down Yankee money. But I guarantee you, if you follow my guidelines, you’re going to break the curse that hangs right over your head, and give yourself a brand new problem. You see what happens when you master marketing, you start making regular predictable cash. And you’re sure going to like the feel of that cash in your pocket, because that’s where it’s going to go.
But here’s the problem, in a nutshell. You’re not going to be able to do everything you have to do because marketing is a demanding mistress. It demands your attention all day every day. I know for a certain fact that if you don’t market every day, you won’t make money every day, and you’ll fall behind your notable objective.
But let’s assume, and it can only be an assumption, because 99% of you reading this article won’t follow the directions; let’s assume, I say, that you actually do follow the marketing directions, and, to your complete astonishment, start making money. All of a sudden, you’re available time quotient is squeezed.
You just won’t have enough time to do everything you need to do, so you hire a cleaning team on the proposition that it is better for you to be marketing than washing dishes. And now, here’s where the meat and potatoes of this article come in, for the day you hire household help, is the first day you’re going to know real pain and anguish. Let me explain.
The whole idea behind having household help, which has become a sore point since cavemen needed their caves cleaned up (which by the way must have been frequently, given their abominable manners) is that helpers help busy folks do more. It is a theory which needs such detailed scrutiny.
I have had over the last 50 years essentially three sets of household cleaners. And now, I wish to tell you what I’ve learned from these often rocky situations.
Point 1: Cleaners do not think. The best that you can hope for is they will ask you questions before doing anything rash. Most will not, assuming they know what to do. And that is where scratches on the grand piano begin.
Point 2: Every cleaner has his or her own blind side. No amount of instruction, much less threats using the rack, will ever succeed in eradicating it.
Point 3: Cleaners will never listen to you. Remember, they assume they know everything, and certainly don’t need the interference of somebody like you who just happens to be paying their lavish wages.
Point 4: Now that most cleaners, 2/3rds of the ones I’ve hired, are not native born, you’ll have a terrible problem understanding each other. For example, I spent literally months trying to persuade a young Brazilian woman that the rug pad goes under the rug. Try explaining this in Portuguese!
She didn’t see the point, and consequently, we had many rows about it, which could never be satisfactorily settled, for her lack of even rudimentary English. America is the one country in the world where we hire our tormentors, and they make full use of the privilege.
There are more.
Cleaners will always fail to see the obvious problem right in front of their eyes. Let me expatiate on the topic.
I call this “The Eye”. Now let us start with the proposition that it is not in the cleaners best interest to clean anything. Their task is to hear what you say, ignore it, and return next week for repeat performance, and another check. Here’s how it works in practice.
“Friend cleaner, here is something I wish to show you.” It is possibly popcorn, or potato chips, and I perhaps am responsible, for I admit to munching in bed with fervor and commitment.
“I wish you to sweep up these items, do you understand me?” I retreat to my office, whereupon their departure, I check the lay of the land. The items you have specifically marked for eradication remain, bold and audacious.
And so, a quick string of curses follows this indefensible development. You remind yourself that you said “Do you see this crumb?” You recall they said “Yes.” You are now sure that they heard nothing, and that the eradication of the crumb might take that case right to the Supreme Court of the Great Republic itself.
Crumbs there were upon their arrival, the same crumbs remain after their departure, the same crumbs they will see again on their next visit, with predictably similar results. This makes perfect sense for the cleaner, and no sense for you, hapless victim of an exasperating system.
Towels will never be dry. Never, ever again. In my endless struggles with the Haitian cleaning team, the Brazilian cleaning team, and the Irish cleaning team, I have learned one thing beyond cavil. Towels that were bought dry will never be dry again. Yes, as soon as you bring them chez vous, they will never know dryness again.
But dear friend and reader, it gets sadly worse. You are now, thanks to my “Money Making Marketing Course”, raking in the bucks. It is so very satisfying, wouldn’t you say? Sadly that plus has a determined minus. It involves the dishwasher, and the matter of clean, dry, unchipped dishes.
Now you will say that the dish washer has solved all such problems. But, my dish washer is broken, and I have had to revert to early, less steam cleaned times. Yes, dear friends, I had to wash the dishes, dry the dishes, and put the dishes away… the whole enchilada.
However, you say, why are you doing this? I thought you had a Haitian, Brazilian, or Irish team to help you. Dear friend, each and every one of these suffers from “The Eye”. They can look at a sink full of beautiful wedgewood, just used for a tasty dinner party, and see nothing. In the sink full of dishes, they see no dishes, no drying dishes, no dishes to be put away. They see nothing at all.
What is the cause for this momentary and pervasive blindness, which afflicts kitchen sinks, dining room tables, the corners of every room in the house, ancient and valuable artifacts, and could not be approved by any mother, or any culture, any place on this Earth?
What causes it indeed? My current cleanliness adviser, for such we should call him, is a genius at perfecting just the right eye to see nothing. Every crumb on the floor doesn’t exist, a spider web garnering itself in a corner, does not trouble him, for he doesn’t see that either.
And when the day came that a bat flew into my bedroom, he swore that there had been nothing there but my imagination, despite the masterful zooming over my head.
“The Eye” permits, indeed demands, total and complete blindness toward any task, now or later. And if you complain or point out in even the most mild mannered way something he missed, you will receive the talking to of your life, one rivaling the one your father gave to you 48 years ago. Such a response is worthy of Charles Dickens’ circumlocution office, who would hire these team members in an instant.
“I tell you, man, there ain’t no bat!” And that is that.
But of course, it isn’t. And that is why there is no satisfactory conclusion to my remarks.
To begin with, you can try listing things they should do, and in priority order. Everyone hiring helpers has done that. Promises are made, promises are forgotten, promises are thrown away, promises, what are they?
You try the soft method of flexible communication… it’s futile. You try the harsh method, which every dictator gets to sooner or later… it doesn’t work. What does work then? Remember one thing, and one thing only: these people are not making money and getting rich. You are, thanks to the “Money Making Marketing Course”!
Remember to leave your bank statements around the house so they can see them, the bigger the better. Will this work? Probably not with the cleaners, for they are obdurate, recalcitrant, and suave liars too, complete masters of “The Eye”, thus beyond admonition. But it will certainly help your disposition a whole lot. You won’t feel so hapless and helpless.
Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can help. And that’s why you need to pick up today your “Money Making Marketing Course”.
Let it go forward and make you money, for it can easily do that. What it cannot do is solve the conundrum of “The Eye”. For that, try the Yellow Pages under domestic help. Will a Slavic team help you? Or would one from Sierra Leone be better? Let me know when you find out.
In the meantime, enjoy all the money you’re making. After all, it’s probably the most you’ve ever made in your life, and that’s nothing to sneeze at. Besides, if you do sneeze, the cleaners will never find the kleenex, even though it’s in the hallway, the first thing anyone sees when they walk into your home. Gesundheit.
About the author
Harvard educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is the author of over 1,000 articles and 50 books. His well known “Money Making Marketing Course” book and video are well known to entrepreneurs worldwide.
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